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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358267">your name is the splinter inside me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anisstaranise/pseuds/anisstaranise'>anisstaranise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Break Up, Communication is Sexy, Exes to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, winter vacation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:01:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anisstaranise/pseuds/anisstaranise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blaine is invited to vacation in the snowy mountains of Whistler, he hadn't expected to spend his days at the lodge with his ex.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your name is the splinter inside me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for <a href="https://sheeprps.tumblr.com/">sheeprps.tumblr.com</a> in conjunction with the <a href="https://seblainegiftexchange.tumblr.com/">Seblaine Gift Exchange 2021</a>. </p><p>Thank you forever and always to <b><a href="ttinycourageous.tumblr.com/">ttinycourageous</a></b> for being the best cheerleader and always willing to read through my fics.</p><p>Title from Joshua Radin's "Winter".</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p><em>Thinking about winter. </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Your name is the splinter inside me. </em></p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>Of all the weeks of the year, of all the winter lodges in the mountains of Whistler, Sebastian Smythe decides to show up at the exact same one Blaine is staying in at the exact same time. In hindsight, he should have known better. This winter retreat was organized by Nick and Jeff after all; common friends he shared with Sebastian.</p><p>Nick and Jeff have been dropping hints about inviting Sebastian for some time now but— considering Blaine tries his utmost best to block out any and all conversations that pertained to Sebastian, either directly or indirectly— of fucking course he missed the whole memo that Sebastian too will be spending the week with them.</p><p>Truth be told, it still hurt to think about Sebastian. He’s been licking his six-month old wound that won’t seem to heal. The mere thought of his ex and the two years they had shared still sends him into bouts of depression. When that happens, he can’t eat. He can’t sleep. He simply can’t function. Break ups can do that to a man, he’s come to learn.</p><p>He and Sebastian had been dancing around one another since freshman year of college, flirting and teasing each other just shy of a love confession. Fast forward to a year later, he’s in a relationship with Sebastian that he’s sure would last a lifetime. </p><p>For two years, they were irrevocably in love. They were happy. </p><p>Until one day— they weren’t.</p><p>Sebastian wasn’t his first love— but Blaine had been so sure, with every fibre of his being, that he would be the last. <em> The one </em>. His forever.</p><p>But alas— life throws you curveballs.</p><p>*</p><p>Blaine does a good job of avoiding Sebastian the first two days at the lodge. </p><p>He doesn’t think it’s rude, simply that it’s a form of self-preservation. Hah! Blaine wants to laugh at the thought.</p><p>“When have you ever had a sense of self-preservation when it comes to Sebastian Smythe, squirt?” his brother, Cooper had said all those years ago when he and Sebastian were still testing the waters of what their relationship was— or could be. </p><p>He hates that his brother was right. One look at Sebastian since arriving at the lodge and Blaine all but wants to run to him; to beg, to cry, to yell, to kiss his ex, amongst other myriad of things. Of emotions.</p><p>It’s tempting for Blaine to not care about the open wound in his heart and just… finally <em> be </em> with Sebastian. Just to take up the same space, breathe the same air.</p><p>But he can’t. He’s still hurting. He can’t go through the heartache all over again. </p><p>And so he avoids Sebastian altogether.</p><p>The lodge itself isn’t too massive but it is large enough to house eight adults comfortably. It’s a gorgeous two-storey structure with mason stone walls and high oak support beams. The windows are wide, displaying the breathtaking views of the snow-capped mountains in the distance, the white-covered forest around  them. The first floor was split-level; the upper deck branching off to the kitchen and dining area while the lower part leads to a reading room with a grand fireplace and shelves upon shelves of tomes. </p><p>It’s in this reading room that Blaine tucks himself away. He doesn’t <em> hide </em>, thank you very much. He’s just careful not to cross paths with Sebastian as best as he can. He’s already had to suffer sitting at the same dining table with his ex at meal times three times a day; he won’t voluntarily offer his heart to be shattered over and over all the other times in between.</p><p>Here, he sits in one of the two leather wing-backed chairs by the fireplace and reads one of the many books in the room. </p><p>Or at least, he tries to read. </p><p>In truth, all he can think about is Sebastian-- and wonder where his ex is at any given moment, what he’s doing. Perhaps, who’s he doing it with. There was that lodge-keeper that was eyeing Sebastian the day before when he dropped off groceries that Jeff had ordered. Or that skiing instructor that dropped by to offer some promotional classes.</p><p>Blaine had blanched at the thoughts conjured by his imagination, the flame of jealousy burning deep in his gut. He tried to put it out of his mind, delving into another Romancelandia book he had found in the reading room. But he couldn’t quite quiet down his mind. It’s all extremely damaging to his morale, and to his already battered heart. But Blaine has always had little to no sense of self-preservation when it comes to Sebastian Smythe.</p><p>*</p><p>It’s after dinner and the lodge is quiet. </p><p>Five days in the mountains proved to be quite the match-making affair for his friends. Apart from Nick and Jeff, no one else had been a couple when they arrived at the lodge. </p><p>That has since changed.</p><p>Blaine had arrived at the lodge with his friend, Tina and another one of their friends, Mike. In what seemed reminiscent to the beginnings of his and Sebastian’s relationship, Tina and Mike have been dancing around each other. The ‘will they, won’t they’ suspense coming off them in waves.  But five days in, Tina finally gathered the courage to profess her feelings for Mike and are now steadily moving towards ‘yes, they will.’</p><p>Once the dishes had been cleared, Mike and Tina had bundled up and left for a short stroll. </p><p>Nick’s friend, Marley has since fallen into a relationship with Hunter, a friend of Sebastian’s. Blaine had been devastated when the two had arrived together, sure that his ex had moved on from him with a blonde, blue-eyed, chiseled-bodied jock-type but it had become clear rather quickly that Hunter was as straight as a whistle. And that he only had eyes for Marley.</p><p>A giggling Marley had left with Hunter right after dinner, hastily making their way up the second floor to the bedroom— presumably Marley’s. </p><p>It’s vacation fumes, Blaine deduces bitterly as he heads to the reading room. He pulls his favourite plum-coloured cardigan tighter around his body, trying to shrug off the bitterness. Isolation— especially in a place as beautiful as this winter lodge in the mountains-- can cast quite the romantic spell. But like all spells, Blaine knows, it breaks eventually.</p><p>He wonders what will happen once they leave this place, this pause in the mountains from their hectic lives. What happens to his newly coupled-up friends once their normal lives resume? Will it be a short-lived vacation romance— something they will look back on fondly in the future—, or will they somehow beat the odds and forge an everlasting relationship?</p><p>It would be nice if it was the latter. Blaine is a romantic, after all. Despite his own broken heart, he still wants to believe that love will prevail. Maybe not for him, he thinks sadly. But for Tina and Mike, for Marley and Hunter— it would be nice.</p><p>He’s so distracted by these thoughts as he steps into the reading room that he doesn’t see the lean figure sitting in his preferred leather chair until he’s standing just a foot away from it.</p><p>The flames in the fireplace are high, it’s warmth draping the entire room yet all Blaine feels is the cold dread taking root inside of him. </p><p>Sitting there by the fireplace is Sebastian Smythe.</p><p>His eyes instantly fix upon Sebastian, gaze tracing the profile of his ex, head bent, reading the romance novel that Blaine had left on the side table that afternoon. He can’t look away, can’t help it. Like a moth drawn to the flame.</p><p>Then, Sebastian turns to look at him.</p><p>Their eyes meet. And for a long moment, the room is silent— no sound except the crackling of the fire.</p><p>“Should I leave?” Blaine asks, breaking the brewing tension.</p><p>Sebastian blinks, as if he’s just coming to himself from a deep thought.</p><p>“No, no,” he says, discarding the book back on the side table. “This is your spot. I shouldn’t have-- I just--”</p><p>A familiar warmth blossoms at the core of Blaine’s stomach as he watches his ex rise from the chair, ready to leave. Sebastian was always composed and cool, or at least that was how he carried himself. But Blaine knows better. He can’t help that tug of nostalgia at his ribs as he listens to Sebastian fumbling for words, his carefully constructed cool composure gone. He has always found it endearing when his ex is flustered.</p><p>But what reason does Sebastian have to be flustered now?</p><p>“No, you were here first, you should stay,” Blaine offers.</p><p>Sebastian gives him a small smile, hands slotted in the pockets of his jeans. </p><p>“It’s a big room,” he says, taking a step closer to Blaine, slow and almost cautious. “And there are two chairs here by the fire. No reason we can’t both stay.”</p><p>Blaine sucks in a breath, sharply. This is the first time this week that he’s been in a room alone with his ex. He hasn’t allowed himself to really look at the other man before now. But now— he can’t help but drink him in. </p><p>Sebastian wears his hair in an undercut style now; the back and sides buzzed short, his mousy brown hair longer at the top, his fringe swept stylishly to one side. His green eyes gleam behind a pair of black thick-framed glasses. Even under an oversized cable-knit sweater, he can see Sebastian’s broad shoulders and lean body. Damn it, he looks good.</p><p>Blaine shakes his head slightly to clear his thoughts. </p><p>“S-sure,” he stammers. “No reason why we can’t both stay.”</p><p>It’s stupid of him, he knows. There’s an open wound in his heart and staying would be like rubbing— no— <em> pouring </em> an ocean of salt into it. But still, he’s never been able to deny Sebastian anything. <em> No sense of self-preservation </em>.</p><p>And so he stays.</p><p>Blaine sees some of the tension leave Sebastian’s shoulders, his stance and previously cautious demeanor relaxing as he pads towards the chair adjacent to Sebastian’s.</p><p>They both sit at the same time.</p><p>Sebastian reaches for the novel again. Blaine, empty handed, twiddles his fingers nervously and stares into the fire. He’s so overly aware of Sebastian’s presence just a mere five feet away that he feels as if he can vibrate out of his skin. Should’ve picked a book before sitting, he thinks, fighting with himself. Shouldn’t have stayed.</p><p>“So, how’ve you been?” Sebastian asks suddenly, startling Blaine out of his internal conflict.</p><p>It’s a harmless enough question. He can do this, he thinks. Make small talk with Sebastian, just like they used to when they were friends. After all, they were friends before they were ever lovers.</p><p>“Nothing much,” Blaine starts. “Just school. And work, as usual. We’re all slaves to capitalism.”</p><p>Sebastian gives him a smile that makes his heart flutter. And something in him eases at that.</p><p>He can do this.</p><p>Blaine asks the same question to Sebastian in turn, and soon enough, conversation flowed naturally, effortlessly between them.</p><p>Sebastian laughs at the hilarious retelling of the one time Sam, who was high as a kite, asks for one of the Burger King crowns and weeps tears of joy when the cashier places it on his head.  </p><p>Blaine soaks in the sound of Sebastian’s laughter and lets it warm him all over. It’s always been so easy with Sebastian, just like this— talking about nothing, trading laughs. He feels… good.</p><p>“I’ve missed this,” his ex says, when the laughter dies down. Blaine finds Sebastian’s eyes again. They’re glinting but the corners of his mouth are turned down now. “I’ve missed you,” Sebastian breathes.</p><p>And just like that, the good, warm feeling is doused. Like piling snow on a roaring flame.</p><p>That open wound in Blaine’s heart stings unbearably. And he’s angry now. And sad. Mostly angry.</p><p>His chest hurts, his hands begin to tremble.</p><p>“Do you think you have any right to say that to me?” he asks somewhat rhetorically, his blood roiling with anger.</p><p>Sebastian, to his credit, doesn’t look fazed. He’s calm and composed- the bastard!- that sad curve on his lips still there. Perhaps he had anticipated Blaine’s reaction.</p><p>Something unfurls in his chest. Blaine isn’t sure how he feels knowing after months apart, Sebastian still <em> knows </em>him.</p><p>“Why not?” his ex counters, straightening in his chair. “I’m not the one who left.”</p><p>Blaine winces. He’d almost forgotten what a sharp tongue Sebastian has, how precisely his barbed words can land.</p><p>“I left?<em> I </em> left?” Blaine’s vibrating with anger now. </p><p>Sebastian holds his gaze and leans forward in his chair. </p><p>“Yes, Blaine,” his ex says matter-of-factly. “You walked out of my apartment. You walked out on me.”</p><p>Blaine’s throat tightens, his heart beating so frantically in his chest that it hurts. He can’t sit still so rises to his feet.</p><p>“I left the apartment and went home to clear my head,” he almost bellows. Almost— but not quite. “I didn’t leave <em> you </em>.”</p><p>This time, Sebastian’s composure cracks. He looks stunned. “I didn’t hear from you for weeks. No calls, no nothing, Blaine.”</p><p>“The phone works both ways, Sebastian.”</p><p>The fire crackles in the hearth. Sebastian and Blaine regard each other, the silence deafening.</p><p>It’s a stalemate, an impasse.</p><p>In hindsight, Blaine can’t quite remember how things ended. He remembered that they had been unkind to each other with their words. Cruel, even. They had taken out their frustrations on each other. But how it ended exactly, he can’t quite say.</p><p>Weeks went by— then months. Their relationship just… stopped.</p><p>This has always been their problem, Blaine has found after many sessions with his therapist. He and Sebastian had no problems whispering words of affection or even hurtling hurtful jibes— but when it comes to talking, to <em> communicating </em> , they fail spectacularly. It had been the underlying reason why, despite spending almost every night with each other over the course of months, they didn’t have their first real date until after frustrations had blown over and they were forced to talk about what they meant to each other. Suffice to say they had learned they were both the same type of idiots and things would have been less complicated if they had only <em> talked </em>.</p><p>Still, old habits die hard, they say.</p><p>Perhaps he should’ve swallowed his pride and made the first move, picked up the phone and called, like his therapist had coaxed him to. To reach out and start the conversation. But a big part of him selfishly wanted so badly for Sebastian to be the one to do it first. Perhaps he was wrong.</p><p>Perhaps they both were.</p><p>Sebastian finally looks away and reclines into his seat. Blaine watches as Sebastian pulls his glasses off and rubs his eyes tiredly. He hates seeing Sebastian like this; sad and deflated. But he’s feeling exactly like that, too.</p><p>His ex turns to look at him again as he sighs and places the glasses back on his face.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “You’re right. Maybe I should have called.”</p><p>Blaine sucks in a breath sharply, not quite believing what he’s hearing. Slowly, he sits back down.</p><p>Across from him, Sebastian lets out a soft, sad laugh. “I wanted to call. God, I wanted to so bad— but you left, Blaine. What was I supposed to think?”</p><p>Something ugly and painful and cold twists in Blaine’s chest. He tries to recall that last night with Sebastian. The fight that had brewed for days on end. The frequency of their arguments. Their failure to talk. </p><p>And then, it was like everything exploded.</p><p>If only they had talked. What a difference it would’ve made, he thinks regretfully. Too little, too late.</p><p>But perhaps not— </p><p>What was it his therapist always said; <em> You have to keep your mind where your body is </em>. </p><p>That is to say, Blaine shouldn’t dwell in all the <em> should’ve, would’ve, could’ve </em> of the past or even the <em> what-if </em> s of the future, but of what he can do— or say— in the <em> now </em>.</p><p>“There are things beyond your control, Blaine,” Dr. Bloom, his therapist, had said. “The past is one. The future is another. But the present, you have a say in that. You get to decide what you want to do, what you want to say.”</p><p>With Dr. Bloom’s voice ringing in his ears, he thinks about all the nights he has laid in bed wondering about what he could have done differently the night of the fight, the moment he and Sebastian had stopped <em> being </em>, or the subsequent nights where he could have picked up the phone, or walked back to Sebastian’s apartment. </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry. Let’s talk about this. </em>
</p><p>It’s what Blaine had wished he had said. Or something akin to it.</p><p>Or to simply be honest with how and what he’s feeling.</p><p>Honesty— what a concept, he thinks. Honesty is something he can control. </p><p>Blaine takes a breath.</p><p>
  <em> You have to keep your mind where your body is. </em>
</p><p>He exhales— and decides to let the honesty flow.</p><p>“I’m sorry I left the way I did,” he says, his eyes finding Sebastian’s, holding his gaze. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t leave <em> you </em>. I only—”</p><p>He falters, tearing his eyes away from Sebastian and looks into the dancing flames in the fireplace instead. He feels the sting of tears in his eyes now, the thick feeling lodged in his throat.</p><p>“Nevermind that now,” he breathes, a self-deprecating huff of laughter leaving his lips. “The fact remains that... I did… leave.” He turns to face Sebastian once more. “And you never came after me.”</p><p>It’s selfish to say, he knows. Selfish to expect that of Sebastian. But he’s being honest now— and honestly, he had hoped. Hoped so much that Sebastian had run after him that night, even just to yell at him for deigning to leave, or to drag him back inside and insist they talked. It’s a fantasy scenario he’s played in his mind over and over for the past six months.</p><p>Something crosses Sebastian’s expression, his eyes glinting as it reflects the flames in the fireplace. Sebastian’s not angry, as far as Blaine can tell. Not affronted or offended at Blaine’s confession. He can’t quite read it.</p><p>Then, his ex sighs. “I didn’t think you wanted me to,” Sebastian says, his voice just above a whisper.</p><p>Blaine is suddenly so aware of the distance between them now. Their seats are merely five feet apart yet it feels like a gaping chasm, born out of six months of separation. It hurts, this space. They had been inseparable for so long. To be this close in the same room yet feeling so far away— it hurts.</p><p>He swallows thickly, slowly rising to his feet again. “I’d always want you to, Sebastian,” Blaine says, his voice warbling with emotion.</p><p>Sebastian breathes in sharply, gaze boring into him.</p><p>Blaine feels a tear slide down his cheek, which he promptly wipes away with the heel of his palm, absorbed by the sweater sleeve that’s pulled down over it.</p><p>Suddenly the room gets too stifling. Sebastian doesn’t say anything— and he’s all talked out. Which is ironic because they haven’t <em> talked </em>. Not really. Not about what really happened that night. Not about why it happened in the first place. But Blaine considers this progress, at least on his part. Baby steps.</p><p>The silence blanketing them becomes too deep. Sebastian’s eyes feel too heavy on him.</p><p>He can barely stand it.</p><p>So Blaine nods once, curtly and clears his throat. “Good night, Sebastian,” and turns on his heel to leave.</p><p>There’s a price to his honesty, to have his mind where his body is. He had a feeling it’ll leave him broken-hearted again. And it does. His chest feels like it has been cleaved open, his heart ripped violently out once more. With every step he takes away from the reading room— away from Sebastian— he wonders, was it all worth it? To have stayed in the room when Sebastian so kindly offered? To have bared his heart with all the honesty he could muster, despite it being six months too late? To have Sebastian look at him the way he always does, his gaze soft and loving?</p><p>But he supposes he knew the answer even before he asked himself these questions; Yes. Because Blaine Anderson has no sense of self-preservation when it comes to Sebastian Smythe.</p><p>Muffled laughter drifts down the stairs as Blaine climbs up the steps to his bedroom. He passes Marley’s door. The laughter from within— Marley’s sweet lilt paired now with Hunter’s booming voice— is louder this time. He pauses by their door for a moment and sincerely hopes they’ll outlast the vacation fumes or whatever spell this gorgeous place has cast upon them. </p><p>He hopes, rather sadly, that they wouldn’t end up like him and Sebastian. </p><p>Blaine makes his way down the hall again. He’s just about to turn the doorknob to his bedroom when suddenly, a hand closes around his arm and firmly tugs him back.</p><p>He blinks in surprise when he comes face to face with his ex.</p><p>“Sebastian.” Blaine warbles, a little light headed from seeing his ex in front of him— especially after the conversation he had just walked away from. </p><p>“Blaine.”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asks, painfully aware of how close they’re standing to each other. They’re almost pressed flush, chest to chest.</p><p>He watches as a small smile curves on Sebastian’s lips; an almost shy one. “Coming after you— like I should have that night,” Sebastian says, his voice low.</p><p>Blaine breathes in sharply, a pang of hope so painful unraveling in his chest. It’s dangerous, this hope. He’s been careful not to let himself dwell on it too much for the past six months. But Sebastian’s here now, standing before him, his words all Blaine’s ever wanted to hear. And he’s never one for self-preservation.</p><p>And so he hopes. Hopes that this is real; not the vacation fume, not the isolation of the mountains, not some magic spell cast by the lodge and the snow.</p><p>And he does what he’s been dying to the moment he had seen Sebastian arrive in Whistler. </p><p>He kisses him. Hard and messy and hungry.</p><p>Sebastian matches Blaine with every kiss, a low guttural growl vibrating from his chest. It sounds a lot like desperation, like relief.</p><p>They kiss for a few moments before Blaine blindly feels for the knob and pushes the door open. They both stumble inside in the dark, too unwilling to separate from the kiss for even a second. Blaine kicks the door close as an afterthought before Sebastian whirls them around and pushes him up against it.</p><p>“I’ve missed you— so much,” Sebastian gasps into his mouth before kissing him again.</p><p>All Blaine can do is moan his assent, running his fingers through Sebastian’s prickly buzz cut hair before sinking them in the longer, silky strands.</p><p>His heart feels like it could explode from the joy blossoming within. There’s something so right about him being in Sebastian’s arms like this, kissing him. Loving him; something he didn’t think he’d have the chance to do again. Not in the many months apart. Not when he first arrived at Whistler.</p><p>He’s ever grateful that life throws you curveballs, sometimes.</p><p>“Bed, Sebastian,” he manages to say between kisses. “Now.”</p><p>With a chuckle, Sebastian pulls him away from the door and walks him backwards towards the bed. All the while still kissing him.</p><p>The bed is bathed in muted moonlight shining through the skylight window fixed into the sloping ceiling above. Sebastian lays him down gently, his mouth hot on his still. His ex moves—  no, not his ex, not anymore. His… lover. Yes, he thinks. <em> Lover </em>.</p><p>His lover moves to drape his body over him, every inch of them touching. Blaine snakes his hands under Sebastian’s cable-knit sweater to map out the span of soft skin and toned muscles while Sebastian gently cups his face as he kisses and kisses him.</p><p>Breaking away briefly from his lips, Sebastian carelessly pulls his glasses off his face and tosses them onto the side table. They make quick work in peeling the layers of clothes off until they’re both bare; bodies, hearts and souls. Sebastian moves to place open-mouthed kisses down Blaine’s body. The temperature beyond his bedroom window is below zero yet his skin feels like it’s on fire everywhere Sebastian touches. </p><p>He’s trembling when Sebastian kisses his inner thighs, lips scorching a fiery trail. It feels so good and he wants nothing more than to have his lover’s mouth on him— but not now, not yet. </p><p>“Come back here,” Blaine pants as he desperately pulls Sebastian up again and presses their lips together once more. </p><p>He’s missed this, all of this. All of Sebastian. It’s what the last six months were missing, the Sebastian-shaped wound in his heart mending at last. </p><p>Dr. Bloom was right; he doesn’t have control over what happened in the past— or what will happen in the future. But he has a say in the now. He has a choice.</p><p>As snow starts to fall above them, covering the skylight window with fresh layers of flurries, Blaine chooses to stay in Sebastian’s arms and never walk away again.</p><p>*</p><p>Muted sun rays barely pierces the layer of snow settled on the skylight window but the morning is bright enough to stir Blaine awake. It’s their last morning at the lodge before they have to head back to the city, to resume their lives. He rouses slowly though, sluggish and warm, like wading through honey. And there’s a body pressing at his back, nose buried at the nape of his neck. He’s still half asleep but he can feel the smile breaking across his face.</p><p>It’s been two days since he and Sebastian reconciled. Six months apart did little to diminish their love for each other, they’ve found. Other than for meal times, they barely left Blaine’s bedroom since that first night together. And barely ever clothed. Thank goodness for built-in central heating. </p><p>Sighing happily, Blaine turns in Sebastian’s arms and drapes a leg over his boyfriend’s. Boyfriend, he thinks. How he’s missed that. </p><p>“We better get ready soon or Tina is going to abandon me here on the mountains and then we’ll have to hitchhike our way to town and take the bus back to the city,” he whispers. He can barely keep the smile out of his voice.</p><p>Sebastian only grumbles and buries himself further into Blaine, tucking his face in the crook where his neck meets his shoulder.</p><p>“Let them leave,” comes his boyfriend’s muffled reply. “Want to stay here with you.”</p><p>Blaine smiles wider. He’s almost forgotten how much Sebastian hates early mornings— or how petulant he can be.</p><p>“I am not hitchhiking with the amount of luggage I have, Sebastian,” he says, carding his fingers through his boyfriend’s sleep-mussed hair. Sebastian almost purrs, pleased.</p><p>“Leave your stuff then. We’ll get new ones once we’re home.”</p><p>Home. </p><p>Blaine suddenly feels crestfallen.</p><p>They weren’t exactly living together six months ago, but they were well on their way to doing so. Half of his wardrobe had been at Sebastian’s, along with some of his books. He had just left them all there when they had broken up. He never bothered to reclaim them, too heartsick over the end of their relationship to care about superficial things.</p><p>But now, he doesn’t quite know what Sebastian did to them. Did he pack it all up and give it away? Or did he leave everything the way it was?</p><p>Blaine knows there’s nothing he can do about the past— and there’s no controlling the future. But there’s a question dancing at the tip of his tongue. A question he feels could break the blissful spell they’ve been in the past two days. But this very much pertains to their future together. So he asks it anyway:</p><p>“Where is that exactly, Sebastian? Where is home?”</p><p>Slowly, Sebastian pulls away from his neck and moves only far enough to look him in the eye. Blaine watches his boyfriend closely. He can tell Sebastian’s thinking, contemplating. It’s the way his brows creases together and how he presses his lips into a tight line.</p><p>They’re quiet for a moment— before Sebastian inhales deeply and says, “Honestly, I don’t know.”</p><p>Something twists in Blaine’s chest.</p><p>“I hate my apartment,” his boyfriend continues. “It feels… so empty. And all I see every day is that damn door you walked out of. And never came back.”</p><p>His breath hitches. He moves to cup Sebastian’s face, a quiet <em> I’m sorry </em> hanging between them. Sebastian turns to kiss his palm.</p><p>“And your things—” his boyfriend says. “I didn’t have the heart to pack ‘em up. It’s as you left it.”</p><p>Blaine breathes in sharply. So that answers that question.</p><p>Outside, it starts to snow again. The flurries beyond catch his attention over Sebastian’s shoulder and he watches them fall outside the window. In the distance, he can see the snow-covered pine trees and the white slopes of the mountains. It really is beautiful. A magical place with spell-binding serenity.</p><p>He shudders to think that whatever he and Sebastian had re-found, had reclaimed were all just the side-effects of this place. Vacation fumes. What happens when they go back to their normal lives?</p><p>“What happens now?” he asks, gazing back at his boyfriend. “What happens when we leave this place?”</p><p>The crease in Sebastian’s brows deepen. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I keep thinking about Tina and Mike. About Marley and Hunter,” he says. “I thought maybe being up here with just each other as company had something to do with their getting together. Maybe it’s vacation fumes.”</p><p>“Vacation fumes?” Sebastian asks, amused. The corners of his mouth quirk slightly.</p><p>“Yeah, vacation fumes. Like all of it happened because of this place, this getaway. And then once that’s over, so will whatever that’s happened here.”</p><p>He’s aware that he’s talking in a round-a-bout way, unable to articulate exactly what he thinks, what he means. But he’s hoping Sebastian hears all the things he left unsaid.</p><p>Then, Sebastian smiles brightly, the creased-brows smoothing away.</p><p>“It’s not vacation fumes, Blaine. Not when it’s you and me,” he says.</p><p>That makes Blaine’s heart race something fierce. Trust Sebastian to hear those unsaid words, his secret worries. </p><p>He surges forward and kisses Sebastian hard.</p><p>“Move in with me,” he says as he pulls away. “You said you hate your apartment. So let’s pack it up and move in with me. Or we could find a place of our own, a new place, untainted by that night.”</p><p>Granted that night wasn’t their only problem; it’s not even the root of their problem. Their problem was they had been so unkind to each other in their fights. And so unwilling to sit down and talk. But Blaine knows now what he needs to do going forward with their relationship. He’s determined to not be an idiot again. He wants to do it right this time. He owes Sebastian this. It’s what he owes himself, too.</p><p>And perhaps a different place to live as a change of scenery, much like this trip to Whistler, will do them a lot of good.</p><p>There’s a soft expression on Sebastian’s face, his eyes glinting greener when it’s not overshadowed by his black-framed glasses. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Blaine blinks. Sebastian hardly gave pause to mull things over.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Blaine, you asked me where home was,” Sebastian says, slowly pushing Blaine onto his back and draping over his body, his lover’s breath ghosting his lips. “I don’t care where we live. But home?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Home is wherever I’m with you.”</p><p>--END</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was my first gift exchange ever. 'Twas fun.<br/>Thank you for reading.<br/>Comments very much welcomed.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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